So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
