Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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