i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
