i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
