Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
