Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
