He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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