Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
