I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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