I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
