she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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