The maid of honor just puked.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
