I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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