I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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