Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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