I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
