Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
