His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
