y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
