Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
