When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
