im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize