I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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