Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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