By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
