how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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