Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
