For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
