hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
