Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
