So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
