If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
