I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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