fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
