All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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