I'm gonna have a badass scar
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
