But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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