he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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