At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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