I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
