There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize