Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
