I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize