I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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