I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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