peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
