Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
