Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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