I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My liver is preforming stress tests.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
