You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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