I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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