I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
