smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
