Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
