Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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