His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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