He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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