Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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