You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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