I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
