paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
