We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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