Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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