I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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