i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize