At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
