U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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