I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
