Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
