WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
