Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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