i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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