whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
