What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize