my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
