I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
