remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
