There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
