i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
