My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
