just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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