i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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